Blending in

Ever since we were little, my mother stressed blending in and not acting like tourists when were were on vacation.  Especially when we were in Colorado- Mom wanted everyone to think that we were locals.  Blending in was no easy task with my father aka Tourist Man taking pictures of EVERYTHING:

With his tiny camera backpack of power and the hat he only bought
yesterday, he dons his socks with sandals and sets off to experience
AUSTRALIA!

Yeah, ok.  We all kinda failed on this one...

Mom would fight the powers of Tourist Man by not letting us eat anywhere we could eat at home and making Ken and I keep walking when Dad jumped into a random bush to take a picture of a flower.  In Colorado, we were supposed to try to dress like locals (aka, wear our pajamas to breakfast- done and done!); the hallmark of fitting in was being asked for directions by some "lame tourist."



Based on these childhood experiences- I still have the mindset that whenever I go somewhere new, I need to blend in and get to know the place quickly.  Colorado, Saint Louis, Chicago- no problem.  LA... could present a bit of a problem for several reasons:

1) My Pasty Skin

8 blocks from my apartment.  What. Up.

My skin has two shades- snow and lobster.  None of these go with California unless I want to join an underground vampire cult.  Which, to be clear, I do not.  My sun allergy stuck out on my beach run this morning- or maybe it was the fact that I kept stopping to take pictures...

2) Purse Rats
While I do enjoy my Coach and Kate Spade purses, that's about a high end as I get.  Paying for a label.. not for me.  And the idea of putting a small animal that claims to be a dog in one and carrying it around makes me want to vomit.  The chick I saw in Target the other day clearly had a different opinion.  Though she also still thinks that Uggs go with mini skirts apparently...

3) Gnat's List

The beach from Santa Monica Pier

Being a former resident of LA and in the spirit of How I Met Your Mother (great show), Gnat has given me a list of things that will make me a true Angeleno (bet ya didn't know they were called that!  I sure didn't.)  It's long and daunting, but assures my assimilation to the West Coast without plastic surgery or investing in a stupid, ugly "dog" that lives in an overpriced piece of luggage.  Drum roll please...

You are a true Angeleno when you:

- wait in an exorbitantly long line for pinks

- see a celebrity at the bev center/grove and not care

- go way out of your way to eat at the Kogi truck

- drive Mulholland at night

- go to the beach and the snow in the same weekend

- get lost by county hospital after dark

- go to the Getty to read a book

- its touristy, but no self respecting Angeleno hasn't been to the Griffith Park Observatory. Rebel Without a Cause was filmed there, and best view of the Hollywood sign

- refuse to go to the Santa Monica Pier/Beach because that's where the tourists go

Oops?

But it's soo close!!!

- complain bitterly on the three days a year that it rains

- get stuck in traffic for an hour trying to go 2 miles on the 10/405 (this will happen sooner than later)

- get stuck in traffic because of movie/tv filming

- get stuck in traffic because Obama is in town

- hate on people from nor cal who say "hella"

- eat at King Taco. THAT is a real taco.

- sleep through a > 5 earthquake, dont know about it until you see the news the next day.
- other people will say Phillippes - i think its not that great. they also say Canters. i also say eh.
- start thinking of distances in terms of minutes - not miles.
- become totally dependent on sigalert
- see a show at the greek/hollywood bowl/both
- roscoe's chicken and waffles.

According to my sister, I've already got the hair and boobs to fit in here.  My car is registered, I've got my new license, I know the Santa Monica grid and I refer to all the highways as "The" [insert # here].  Now I just need to get cracking on this list.  Future blog posts of awkwardness, hilarity, and adventure to come!

Also- for those of you that follow Gnat, stay tuned for her True Chicagoan list!